now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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