Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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