reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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