I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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