I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Let's get the cat blown out
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
