Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
