I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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