her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
