i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
