So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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