I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Operation Purity has been aborted
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
