i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
