He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize