He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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