hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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