Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
love makes seman taste better
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
