how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
