i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
