I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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