hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
