i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize