I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
