trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
