Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
