At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
it's great music for shaving your balls
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
