i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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