so that wasnt chicken after all
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
