Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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