I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
