decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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