do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
