The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
