I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
