one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
