that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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