I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
