What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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