Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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