Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
