Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
