I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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