All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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