A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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