His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
