Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
