Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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