someone threw a dead crab at me
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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