My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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