either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize