ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
