Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
