All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
