you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
