I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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