she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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