i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
In America we eat man semen.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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