I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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