you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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