I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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