So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
