Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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