Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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