You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize