Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
