I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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