this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
