Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
barbara walters just said penis...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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