I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
