I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
